Repeating. Mistakes.

Hey its me again, you know that sad lonely guy who stays in on a friday night instead of going out drinking  or playing games online. How are you? Good, glad to hear it, so its seems like ages since I have spoken with you its almost a month. Seems a shame really because of how close we are, but then again absense makes the heart grow fonder. Wait a second I am rambling again, you know I talk when I get nervous. So quick start a new paragraph.
Well as you can tell its a friday night again and I am alone on my sofa, having just got in from a ..... well hmmm how would I describe it... I suppose the walk was nice but the pre-cursor wasn't as pleasent, as per the norm I have been trying to let my heart rule over my head and its left me feeling disappointed. Well there is a suprise!
If you have been reading these blogposts for the past few months you will know that what I do is often based on solid judgement and not felt. I think everything instead of just going on a whim, its something I have trained my self to do. its quite an awkward skill as it means I miss out on oppertunities that I then come to regret, take tonight for instance, I walked roughly a mile and a half to see someone when they finished work. A semi normal thing to do I would believe, I like the walk and in all honesty  I could do with the exercise as I have been getting a bit of a tummy recently. I like this lass that I went to see as she makes me smile to ear to ear. The downside is I can't stand her, she irritates me more than anyone should be able to, and she is incredibly attractive and she pretends that she doesn't know but you can tell she understands fully. This makes it even worse, I aren't even sure why I like her, but I do. I spoke to friends about it and some claim that I may even be love, if that is true then fate really is a mean spirited bitch.
I understand people quite well for a guy who is only twenty four, I can work out what makes them tick and what really gets them annoyed. That said I can't get my head round her at all, she is everything I would love in life but she also is everything I hate about people. That may seem quite a harsh thing to say but I assure I say it with little to no regret, she is a bonafide bitch.
She knows exactly how I feel and yet she plays on that, maybe this is a good thing as I would love to have someone who can challenge me, not to a duel or something but I would love to have an arguement with someone who wouldn't back down or try and resolve it with sex. So then there is that problem, I can't argue with her as she doesn't trust me enough yet. Thats something that gets to me aswell. I trust by instinct, I can tell if I can trust someone within  about five minutes of meeting them, I am a good judge of character since the incident with the ex. Its one of my many defense mechanisms.
I could argue that that is where my life falls apart, I protect from anything and everything, hardly anyone has my number, even less people know where I live and if you don't count workmates hardly anyone even knows my name. That is why it is so easy for me to disappear. I simply don't care about you unless you are important to me.
So thats what I am working on now, trying to like people. Sounds easy doesn't it, thats where you are wrong, people are generally bastards!