If I had one problem that I were to describe as my biggest failing, I would say its my imagination. I have this world created in my mind where nothing revolves around me but around the people I care about, now they were affectionally known as the clan. The clan happened to be mainly female and absolutely stunning, and I was proud to be able to class them as friends. Since the days of the clan I have found my self consistantly stuck in a area similar to the friendzone but its not been friendship, not even lust, more a case of dependance. I depend on people who constantly let me down but because they have been put on a pedestal in my mind they can do no wrong. So I no longer drink or smoke, and as a result I have started seeing people for who they are and not what I want them to be. Needless to say the clan disbanded, collectively owing me around 5k. It sounds pricey but its nothing when it has got them out of my life and shown that I canne trust them.
So now I am an emotional wreck, I don't enjoy those big events in life, you know birthdays christmas, and of course the most important, births. What I do still enjoy is the way my mind can create a scenario where things go right, a place where the people I find my self falling for actually have an intrest in me. HA! It doesn't happen, I fall for someone and then I get crushed, making me want to start drinking again.
Alas the only way I have found to solve this dilemma is to get rid, switch off, and generally shut down. So for that person whom I suspect knows who she is this is goodbye.
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