Spoilt. Brat.

When you read this next sentance you'll understand the title. Ever since I was little (or littler seeing as though I aren't very tall now) I have got everything I have ever wanted. The latest toy, CD or nowadays games. Its not that my family have money to spend on me because in all honesty we are skint as a whole, the one thing I can do though is graft, even when I was six I would do my brothers paper-round for him and keep the money, it did take ages as I could barely lift the bag but I still did it, by the time I reached ten years old I had one hundred pounds in the bank, now that might not seem like much but I earned every penny. I have been working since then, not like doing chores around the house but going down my street gardening and washing windows for my neighbours normally for chocolate but sometimes I got the occasional fifty pence. When most of my friends where being bought football shirts for their favourite team I was wearing any old Tshirt not because I couldn't afford one or because I couldn't get into town to buy myself one, it was a case of I worked hard for my money and didn't see the point in wasting it on something I was going to grow out of within a couple of months. I was a fairly savvi kid. An upbringing like that may seem a little sad to some of you who have parents who take care of you. Like some of your dads might of taken you to a park to play on the swings or to kick a ball around, I didn't get that I would be taken to my dad's office, to do maths, I have a really mathmatical brain I like to work things out, I'm actually quite good at it aswell. So I used to get a couple of quid for doing that so I never really stopped working, even when I went through school I would be at school all day then go home and act as a receptionist for my dad, answering the phone and taking messages for which I recieved twenty pence for each call I took. I didn't get much of a childhood but what I did get was an understanding of the world. And I hate to break it to you but it does only turn because of money.
Because I understood so much of life before I had left school when my friends would be asked what they wanted to be it was always a footballer or doctor, something highly paid. I opted for another route, I wanted to be a jack of all trades. I am skilled with my hands, I can draw, carve, build, organize in fact I can probably do anything if I put my mind to it. I've never found anything that has gazzumped me, seriously nothing at all, well apart from people. I never have understood people. Like when you're little you don't want to kiss girls and then all of a sudden you do, I understand the biology behind it just not why it happens. Or even the fact that when you are young you trust everyone, then you hit an age and you trust noone. The one thing I have never understood though is how people stay in a relationship even though the person they are with are a violent alcoholic, they get beaten up or hit and then they don't leave the person because they love them, how is that love? Even still though I'll be there for those people, because its what I do, I look after people, as long as that person is not myself.

Someone. Help.

Ok my head hurts, not sure why, it could be because I kinda punched myself in the head. Not on purpose it just fell onto my fist as I was kinda sleepy. Believe it or not thats not why I need help!
Recently I have been taking a look at myself, both literally and metaphorically, I am actually trying to be a better person, in any way possible, I have started dressing more appropriately so no more boardshorts and top hats for a li'l while or until I slip back into my comfort zone. I have even been being sociable (I hate that word it always looks like I spelt it incorrectly) talking to old friends and making new ones, well one really, I figure its about time I grow up, my life is starting to so I may aswell not drag my heels and look upon this as a new experience. I like what I am, its kinda reclusive and maybe a little doogie howser-ish. (hope you get the reference if not then thats what google is for!) But it pays the bills and gets me through day to day and it gives me time to constantly update my little slice of headspace. (a.k.a. this blog)just in case you didn't guess) So yeah I am a decent person, I aren't overly good or bad I have a ok balance between the two, and from being like that I have a small group of friends, well more than two hands worth. Its often noticed how I treat the friends I have very well, almost to the point of family. I help out when they need money or a place to crash or numerous other things that a friend should do, its writen in the code of friendship. So I am basically there when anyone needs anything even if it means putting myself at great risk, but thats what friends do! they are there for one another, if thats the case where are they when I need someone. Not money or a bed for the night but just someone to talk to so I don't have to keep things bottled up. Normally I sit on the roof with a guitar and sing my troubles away into the night sky but thats no good when you need someone to tell you that everything is going to be ok or to just say nothing and give you a hug. It takes maybe six seconds to give someone a hug, and possibly another four seconds to say it'll all turn out right. That is ten seconds, ten seconds to make someone feel good for maybe five minutes, do you realise how powerful that is? You could prevent a war (theoretically) with just that one sentiment. So yeah I doubt anyone would offer because I aren't the typical guy people look for in life but could just one person spare about ten minutes just so I had someone to talk to. Probably not, but on the off chance someone will, you know where I'll be, just follow the sound of thoughts crashing to the ground, and I'll be there!

Sorry for wasting your time with this post but well, when friends fail I always have random people on the internet to rely on, I mean someone has to stumble upon this place surely.

Heart. Sank.

Ok my trainers smell like crap, I just got in. I have just met up with my brother. He has been at uni all day doing coursework so I thought I would walk home with him its my good deed for the day. So I stood in some dog crap, not exactly glamorous but it is truthful. So I came home and curled up on my bed. Then thought about checking my email, so I did. Which brought me to facebook, someone put something on my wall so I checked it and as you probably know it takes you to your home page and I like to read stuff like so-and-so has joined a group, sometimes it makes me laugh so reading through I saw a post of one of my friends had updated their status and upon my eyes glancing over it m,y heart sank. I reckon she knows who she is and hopefully she knows why.

Normally she is the one person that keeps me afloat but yet she made my heart sink.

I. Know.

Its a strange world we live in and every day we see something that doesn't fit. Well todays events passed quite swiftly, almost too fast, infact. I see little things from inside my sphere of noise. I call it a sphere of noise because it all depends on what mood I am in when I leave the house. I like to have music that expresses my mood so if I'm happy its a blend of Natalie Imbruglia and The Doves, when I'm upset its more INXS and The Strokes. Today its been the calming guitars and soothing vocals of The Strokes. I'm not really that type of person that is either over the moon or down in the dumps, I'm a lot more in between I'm kind of mellowed out, even still I let my self get frustrated by sometimes the simplest of things. Take today for instance I walked into work along my normal route and there are several crossings that I traverse each time I check if anyone is waiting on the other side, I believe in teaching children life skills at home such as tying laces or how to cross roads safely. Simple things that people do everyday without realising, they can't be taught in school so when you see a young mother teaching her child about crossings you do the decent thing and wait until its safe to cross instead of walking out and forcing a car to slam its brakes on. So outside of Princes Quay (its a shopping centre) there is a crossing where I saw a young parent teaching her child to push the button and wait for the green man. So I dutifully waited and you get this group of what appeared to be teenagers just walk out in front of a car, and I just thought "you idiots". Whats going on with todays youth? And this is why I was in a foul mood today at work. So I apologise to anyone and everyone I offended.